Other Occasions

Retirement Gift Ideas Beyond The Engraved Clock

Retirement gifts are traditionally an object with a date on it and a card signed by people who joined last year. A formal document reviewing their entire career — in the exact register of the organisation they are leaving — is both funnier and more accurate.

Cover the whole span

Departments, restructures, the equipment they refused to stop using.

End with the genuine tribute

After the bureaucratic comedy, one plain sentence about what they meant to the place.

What makes it personal

Decades of specifics: the office moves, the habits, the colleagues.

What we would make

Government-Issued Relationship Report Card — $4.99

An absurdly official two-page assessment of their merits, infractions and continued eligibility — affectionate, specific and very formally typeset.

An official final performance review covering their entire tenure.
A card from the team written in the organisation's own language.
A booklet of post-retirement plans with dates attached.

MAKE THEIR RELATIONSHIP REPORT

Also worth considering: Digital Emergency Card & Envelope, Relationship Coupon Booklet.

How it works

Answer a short set of questions about the person — habits, history, the running jokes.
We write the gift from your answers and show you the finished thing.
Pay $4.99 once, then download the clean file or send the private link.

Questions

Can it be read out at a leaving do?: It is structured for that.
Can I print and frame it?: Yes.
Cost?: $4.99.

Ready when you are

About four minutes from here to a finished gift. You see the whole thing before you pay.