Funny & Roast Gifts

A Gift For Someone Who Is Always, Reliably Late

Chronic lateness is the most universally recognised personal failing, and the people who have it are usually cheerfully aware. That makes it ideal gift material: no offence taken, immediate recognition from everyone in the room, and endless supporting evidence.

Cite the incidents

Specific occasions, specific delays, specific excuses given at the time.

Keep the verdict fond

The conclusion should make clear you keep inviting them anyway.

What makes it personal

Real dates and real excuses are much funnier than approximations.

What we would make

Government-Issued Relationship Report Card — $4.99

An absurdly official two-page assessment of their merits, infractions and continued eligibility — affectionate, specific and very formally typeset.

A punctuality assessment with a full record of arrival times.
A voucher entitling them to be twenty minutes late once, officially.
A card issued as a final notice regarding attendance.

MAKE THEIR RELATIONSHIP REPORT

Also worth considering: Relationship Coupon Booklet, Digital Emergency Card & Envelope.

How it works

Answer a short set of questions about the person — habits, history, the running jokes.
We write the gift from your answers and show you the finished thing.
Pay $4.99 once, then download the clean file or send the private link.

Questions

Can I list real incidents?: Yes, you supply them.
Can I print it?: Yes.
Cost?: $4.99.

Ready when you are

About four minutes from here to a finished gift. You see the whole thing before you pay.