Funny & Roast Gifts

A Gift For Someone Who Has Never Ordered Their Own Chips

There is a category of person who insists they do not want any, then eats a third of your meal. It happens in every relationship and friendship, it is never acknowledged formally, and it is therefore perfect material for a document with a serious tone.

Treat it as an investigation

Incidents, patterns, repeat offences, recommended remedies.

Concede at the end

Finish by granting them permanent permission. That is the affectionate turn.

What makes it personal

Name the actual restaurants and the actual dishes.

What we would make

Government-Issued Relationship Report Card — $4.99

An absurdly official two-page assessment of their merits, infractions and continued eligibility — affectionate, specific and very formally typeset.

A findings report on repeated unauthorised chip removal, with recommendations.
A voucher granting lifetime access to half of any dessert.
A card issued as a formal cease-and-desist that immediately gives up.

MAKE THEIR RELATIONSHIP REPORT

Also worth considering: Relationship Coupon Booklet, Digital Emergency Card & Envelope.

How it works

Answer a short set of questions about the person — habits, history, the running jokes.
We write the gift from your answers and show you the finished thing.
Pay $4.99 once, then download the clean file or send the private link.

Questions

Can I name the restaurants?: Yes.
Can I print it?: Yes.
How long does it take?: Minutes.

Ready when you are

About four minutes from here to a finished gift. You see the whole thing before you pay.