Funny & Roast Gifts
Sarcastic Gift Ideas For People Who Hate Sincerity
Some people physically cannot accept a sincere gift, and handing them one is closer to an ambush than a kindness. A completely deadpan document solves it: everything meaningful is present, but it is phrased as procedure, so it can be accepted without anyone having a moment.
Never break character
The format should hold from the first line to the last. The sincerity works by implication.
Hide the real line in the fine print
One genuine sentence buried in a footnote is more effective than a paragraph of feeling.
What makes it personal
Dry precision. Specific detail delivered without any warmth in the wording is the whole effect.
What we would make
Government-Issued Relationship Report Card — $4.99
An absurdly official two-page assessment of their merits, infractions and continued eligibility — affectionate, specific and very formally typeset.
- An assessment with a single unexplained perfect score in one category.
- A card written entirely as a procedural notice.
- A booklet of vouchers with absurdly restrictive terms and conditions.
Also worth considering: Digital Emergency Card & Envelope, Relationship Coupon Booklet.
How it works
- Answer a short set of questions about the person — habits, history, the running jokes.
- We write the gift from your answers and show you the finished thing.
- Pay $4.99 once, then download the clean file or send the private link.
Questions
- Can it avoid sentiment entirely?
- Almost entirely, and you control the balance.
- Can I preview before paying?
- Yes.
- Can I print it?
- Yes.
Ready when you are
About four minutes from here to a finished gift. You see the whole thing before you pay.
MAKE THEIR RELATIONSHIP REPORT